


So much lost time

by MagicalPoolNoodle



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Blackwatch Era, Blackwatch Hanzo, Blackwatch Jesse McCree, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-05-05 05:03:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14609949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagicalPoolNoodle/pseuds/MagicalPoolNoodle
Summary: Since I can’t write My Silly Cowboy any longer, I’m writing a little part based for further on. Although this is set in the Blackwatch era :)Written on my phone. Why am I doing this to myself? xD





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Since I can’t write My Silly Cowboy any longer, I’m writing a little part based for further on. Although this is set in the Blackwatch era :)
> 
> Written on my phone. Why am I doing this to myself? xD

_Beep_

 

How many days had he been sitting here? He hadn’t showered or changed his clothes. Dried blood, dust and smoke clung to his clothing. Hell, the archer had barely eaten. Only consuming enough to make the worried looks of whoever’s turn it was to convince him to eat, go away. 

 

Five days? No it was longer than that. It has to be at least nine by now. The days had started to bleed together a while ago, his lack of sleep was probably a large factor in it. He only napped when he had no choice, when the exhaustion took him but even then his rest was always interrupted. 

 

_Beep_

 

Hanzo kept living that last mission over and over. He’d been working for Blackwatch for a few months now, and even now he still avoided Genji. 

 

The mission had been going as expected, a little resistance on the way out. Nothing they couldn’t handle. 

 

Until the explosion. 

 

Jesse had thrown himself in front of Hanzo and taken the brunt of the blow. He’d been unconscious since that moment and he still hadn’t woken up. Angela had been working tirelessly to try and help him, but at this point there wasn’t anything to be done. 

 

There was no cure for a coma. 

 

_Beep_

 

The chair was uncomfortable again and he eased himself up, his body sore from the lack of use, a few wounds still recovering from the mission. He moved to lean against the wall and slid down, his knees drawn up, his arms around them and his forehead atop his knees. 

 

He felt heavy and in his exhaustion, didn’t even realise Genji sneaking into the room. Not until the cyborg joined him on the floor, silent for now. Even though there was a lot of anger and unhealed emotions between them, he wanted to help his brother. 

 

“What do you want?” Genji was used to hearing the venom in Hanzo’s words, even now it was there. He didn’t flinch at it anymore, he knew Hanzo was in pain and still wracked with years of self hatred and guilt. 

 

“To make sure you’re okay, Hanzo.” His head turned to glance at the archer, he looked a wreck. 

 

_Beep_

 

The man grit his teeth, his jaw muscles visibly clenching. “I am fine.” Clearly a lie. 

 

“Both of us know you are far from fine.” Genji kept his tone even, soft. The last thing he wanted was to set his brother off. “Talk to me Hanzo. Let me help you.”

 

The older Shimada visibly tensed more and stubbornly looked up at the unconscious cowboy. Genji could see him struggling, but the man was stubborn and prideful. Even when they were younger, Hanzo was always stubborn. He reached out and set a hand on the archer’s shoulder, he could feel his brother tensing up, but his hand remained there. A silent show of support. 

 

_Beep_

 

That was all it took for Hanzo’s brave face to falter and fall away, his eyes welled with tears and he turned, pressing his face to Genji’s shoulder. His sobs were strangled as he fought them back, trying to push Genji away at the same time and losing the battle as the cyborg wrapped his arms around the broken man. 

 

How long the two sat there was anybody’s guess, but Hanzo had ended up passing out, his head on Genji’s lap. Genji had drifted off into a rest some time after. By the time they awoke, someone had draped them with a blanket. Probably Ana. 

 

Genji had somehow extracted himself from being Hanzo’s pillow before the other awoke. He’d spent some time at Jesse’s bedside, taking quietly to the sleeping man before slipping out. 

 

_Beep_

 

Hanzo awoke to the sound of someone shuffling around and he raised his head, vision blurred for a few moments. It was Angela, moving quietly as she checked Jesse’s vitals. A furrow on her brow got his attention and he did his best to neaten his disheveled hair. 

 

“How is he?” His voice was a little raspy and he cleared his throat, realising he was thirsty. 

 

The medic’s forced smile told him more than he needed to know, his heart ached dully in his chest. “Angela, please do not hide the truth from me.”

 

The blonde sighed softly as the archer got to his feet. “His condition isn’t changing. Mister Shimada, you have to understand. He doesn’t want to be in a vegetative state. If he doesn’t start to improve, I’ll have no choice but to turn off the machine.”

 

“I see.” His gaze hardened slightly, his fears coming to pass. “Thank you.” 

 

_Beep_

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

The next few days passed by so slowly, Hanzo was sure it had only been one. He had at some point, managed to shower and change into some clean clothes. He even got some fresh air, even if he’d been fretting the entire time. 

 

He was heading back inside now, a little time outside was more than enough time spent away from Jesse’s side. The two of them had been, he supposed it was dating, for a few months now. He hadn’t realised his feelings at first, even though he’d noticed his gaze starting to linger longer on the cowboy, he thought nothing of it. 

 

But the heart wants what the heart wants and before he knew it, his lingering glances had been noticed. The archer was, at first, hesitant and demanded secrecy. Although that had changed only over the last few weeks. He’d seen others flirting with _his_  cowboy and that jealousy had ended up revealing their relationship. 

 

His boots clicked along the hallway of the medical wing and his pace slowed as he neared the room Jesse was in. Angela and Ana were in there with the Commander and Strike Commander. Both men were sitting to the side, tears in their eyes as they looked up at Hanzo. The two medics looked no happier. 

 

_Beep_

 

He felt cold. Fear swept over him and he froze in the doorway, feeling helpless as he looked to Angela for answers. Answers he knew he wasn’t going to like. 

 

“Mister Shimada,” her blue eyes met his brown as she moved closer and set a hand on his shoulder, “I’m sorry. Jesse isn’t getting any better. We’ve tried everything. I can’t leave him on the machine any longer. We need to let him go.”

 

Ana had joined them and Hanzo hadn’t even noticed the sniper had moved over to them.  “We can give you some time to say goodbye. Jack and Gabriel already have. Take your time, but the others will want to see him too.”

 

Hanzo barely even registered most of what Ana had said. His world had fallen away and the voices of those around him were a distant murmur.  He just nodded numbly, hoping it was enough of a response. He had so many things unsaid and now there was no time. 

 

_Beep_

 

The medics ushered the distraught men from the room and the door was closed to give Hanzo some privacy. It took him a few minutes to snap out of it and he moved over to Jesse’s side, taking his hand in his own. 

 

“Jesse I...” his voice was trembling and stuck in his throat, “please do not go. Not now. Please.” His head dipped to lay his head on the brunettes chest. “I never even got to say-“ he never had said it. Ever. “Never got to tell you that I love you.” Tears rolled from his eyes unchecked and he pressed his face into the sheets, his breath hiccuping as he sobbed and failed to stop it. 

 

Unable to stop himself, the Shimada allowed himself to cry. At least for a while. Until he couldn’t bare the feeling any longer. “I am sorry.” He whispered, standing upright and wiping his face. Right now, after all these days he wanted to be anywhere but here. 

 

_Beep_

 

With one final look at his lover, Hanzo left the room. He needed to be alone. 


	3. Chapter 3

Hanzo had remained in his room since the news had been broken. The others had gathered in and just outside of Jesse’s room in the medic wing, saying their goodbyes and farewells. Over the years of the cowboy being on Blackwatch‘s ranks, he’d become one of them. Part of the Overwatch family. Tears were shed and everyone comforted one another. 

 

Genji had gone to Hanzo’s door half a dozen times at least, knocking on the door and gently calling out for his older brother. Hoping he was okay. There was never an answer, but there was movement from inside    and that was enough for now. Considering the circumstances, he wasn’t willing to bother Hanzo. Not right now. He’d leave the older to grieve in peace. 

 

Those who wanted to be there for Jesse’s passing had remained. Himself and Gabriel and Jack, Ana and of course Mercy. The others would go grieve in their own way. 

 

_Beep_

 

Ana supported her friends as Angela set about turning off the machine that was helping Jesse breathe, removing the tube from his mouth. Tears welled in her eyes as she removed the rest of the equipment, the monitor playing a high tone, no pulse to be found. 

 

She moved around to the machine and switched it off, turning her attention back to the cowboy, taking one wrist in her own to feel for his pulse. 

 

Jesse took a gasping breath, startling everyone in the room. His eyelids fluttered as those gathered all raced forward, eyes wide with disbelief. 

 

“Jesse?!” Mercy finally found her voice, ushering the others back just slightly. To give him some space. “Jesse can you hear me?”

 

The groggy brunette nodded and mumbled something that sounded like a yes. His lips were dry and he was so tired, Hell he wasn’t even sure what had happened. Things were a blur. 

 

“Don’t try and talk to much just yet. Do you know my name?” Ana had moved forward, smiling when Jesse managed a lopsided smile and a nod. 

 

He didn’t have to try hard to stay still as Angela checked his pupils, his pulse and his reflexes. “Aside from being sleepy and no doubt, terribly hungry and thirsty. He seems perfectly fine.”

 

“Wha’ ‘appened?” Jesse was helped to sit up and Ana grabbed him some ice water to sip at. 

 

“How much do you remember?” Gabriel asked, his voice tight, eyes red from crying only a few minutes before. 

 

“Nommuch.” Jesse shook his head, taking the cup and sipping slowly at the liquid. “We uh, were on a mission right? Don’ remember much. Did we win? Is everyone okay?” He was finding it easier to speak and the fog was lifting. 

 

“Yeah we won. We did good. But there was a trap, a bomb. Agent Shimada was close and you shielded him from it.” Gabriel supplied slowly. 

 

“Han? Is he okay?” 

 

Genji nodded. “In once piece. Emotionally he... has been a wreck. He barely left your side.” The ninja gasped softly. “I should go tell him the wonderful news!”

 

Before anyone could say anything, the cyborg was already out the door, dashing down the hallway to give his brother the best news he would have had in a while. 

 


	4. Chapter 4

“Brother!” Genji knocked on the door, almost bouncing on his toes in his excitement. “Open the door! There’s fantastic news!”

 

Hanzo’s door remained closed and Genji tried again, pressing the side of his head to try and listen for sounds.

 

There were none. 

 

“Hanzo, please. Jesse is alive! He asked for you! Come on!”

 

When there was still no response, the ninja grew worried. He rushed back to the room, pulling Jack aside and asking where the spare room key was. The Strike Commander  hurried down to find the key and met Genji at Hanzo’s door. 

 

“Please hurry, Strike Commander.” Genji urged, his worries clear. 

 

Jack nodded and unlocked the door, the cyborg pushing past him into the room. 

 

“Hanzo?!”

 

The room was silent, neat and tidy, but empty of the archer. Genji’s brow furrowed and a quick scan of the room revealed

a few things. 

 

The window was ajar, the screen not in place correctly. A sloppy attempt by Hanzo to cover his tracks. 

 

Storm bow was unstrung and in its case, the quiver next to it. 

 

And there were a small collection of items on the bed: Jesse’s hat with a folded sheet of paper leaning in the brim, a small knife with the Overwatch tracking chip next to it. A few bandages remained, a few spots of blood on them. 

 

Jack stood in the doorway, watching as Genji moved over to the items. His gaze flicked between each one, one hand taking the note. It was written in Japanese for some reason and he skimmed over it, noting the small specks of slightly blurred patches from where tears had hit the paper. 

 

_My dearest Jesse,_

_As I write this, you are dying. Stuck on a machine for days, your health is not improving. Not long ago I was told that we must let you go. My heart is broken but I cannot be there to see you go. Losing you takes away my happiness. My reason to stay. My reason to smile. I am sorry that I was too much of a coward to be there when they let you go. I cannot go through that again. I wish I had told you about Haru so you would understand my hesitation, but it is too late now and nothing can change that.  Nothing can bring you back. I failed to keep you safe._

_I feel as though I am at the bottom of a pit and I am still falling and I cannot climb out.  I have a hundred thousand things I wish I could tell you, and a hundred thousand things I wish we could do. But we cannot. I wasted too much time being too scared to allow myself to feel anything for anyone. I waited too long. I was a fool. I should have told you sooner, perhaps things would have been different._

_Genji will take care of the dragons, I am no longer worthy of their protection. I deserve to be alone, I can never redeem myself and I will no longer try._

_I love you my silly cowboy, I only wish I was brave enough to have told you sooner._

_We will meet again. Wait for me._

_Hanzo._

 

He’d not explained the letter to Morrison, just that it was meant for Jesse and he’d made his way back to the cowboy. He read the man the letter once they were left alone, spending some time comforting his friend. 

 

"I'm sure it's fine, Jesse." Genji was hopeful, since Hanzo had only been gone for a few days after Haru's murder. "We'll find him, or maybe he'll just come home after a few days."  

 

Of course, Genji couldn't have been more wrong. Days turned into weeks and there was no sign of Hanzo anywhere. Weeks turned into a month, then two. His room remained empty, untouched.


	5. Chapter 5

It had been almost six years to the day since Hanzo had left Overwatch, not that he was aware of just how much time had passed. The days had bled together for the first several months at least and he'd lost track of the time quickly. The first few weeks had been the worst, he'd barely slept, even wrapped in Jesse's serape. Nothing had helped, he couldn't meditate, nothing was comforting. 

He'd played that last day over and over in his mind as well as the day of the explosion, the Peacekeeper in his hands, loaded, fighting the almost overwhelming temptation to just give in and end his own suffering. More than once he'd come close, the cold steel of the muzzle been a comfort pressed against his skull, his hand steady, finger resting against the trigger. But no, he'd not been able to go through with it as much as he wanted to. It wasn't an honourable way to die, no matter how badly he wanted it. 

Now the gun was kept on him at all times and the serape was tied around his waist when he left his new home. The last time he'd fired the gun was about a month after leaving, he'd pushed further into the forest he'd found himself in and had gone to taken shelter in a cave from an oncoming storm. A large white wolf and her two pups had been living there and in fear, they'd attacked each other. He'd shot her dead, but not before she'd sunk her teeth into his right arm in self defense against the intruder. It was still scarred today. 

Over the next few weeks he'd ended up bonding with the pups and after tanning her hide, he wore the wolf as a headdress as some sort of honour to her memory. The pups had grown quickly over time, still living in that hidden cave with Hanzo, hunting together and relying on each other to stay alive. It had been hard, but this was how life was now and how it would be. 

One of the wolves nudged him awake, he'd fallen asleep again apparently. He napped a lot now days, then again, depression tends to have that effect. Rubbing one of the animal's ears, he gently pushed him back and sat up, sighing as the other came over and shoved a cold, wet nose against his cheek. Pushing himself to his feet, Hanzo knew the reason he'd been woken up, he felt it too. They were all hungry, so it was time to hunt. Donning the headdress and affixing the six-shooter and serape in their places on his waist, the trio left the cave, slipping through a thin sheen of water from the waterfall that hid the entrance to the place they called home.

Skirting along the river path, the cool evening was pleasant and a gentle breeze was blowing. The wolves bounded alongside the archer, as always, almost knocking him over in their excitement. He knew they'd calm down soon, they always did. Once they crossed the river, they headed straight ahead on a faint path, heading toward where a herd of deer often grazed. Sometimes he often regretted leaving his bow behind, it would have made hunting easier, but now he had the wolves to assist him. The Peacemaker was too loud so it was kept as a last resort for self defense above all.


End file.
